The Web of the Ego
The ego is like a spider trapped in its own web of tensions, contractions, patterns, and samskaras.
When a spider spins a web out of its own body, its experience is restricted to the very web it creates. The ego does much the same thing. It weaves a sticky web made up of tensions, patterns, karma, and samskaras (latent tendencies), creating the blockages and limitations we experience in life. In fact, this is all the ego is capable of doing. It cannot see or experience any level of reality outside of its own limitations — nor does it want to!
When a storm destroys a spider’s web, it immediately spins another one. Unfortunately, the ego does the same thing. And if we aren’t free from the ego’s grip, we keep spinning the same experience of life, unaware that there’s a deeper experience available to us. At the highest end of the spectrum of reality is God’s infinite Consciousness, but the resonance of that Presence remains forever outside the purview of the ego.
Tension Reinforces the Web
Our perpetual struggle with life not only keeps us entangled in the web, it spins a tighter, more intricate design. Just as a spider creates a web to trap its prey, the ego also functions from need, from an inner monologue of: “I need this, I want that.” We keep spinning the same experience, again and again, looking outwardly for something to grab hold of.
When things aren’t the way we want them to be, our reaction is tension, expressed in a myriad of ways. Our perpetuation of those tensions creates patterns, and the continual reinforcement of our patterns results in samskaras. These are deep mental and emotional impressions that have become embedded within us because of our unconscious repetition of tensions and patterns. This becomes the self-serving place we act from, which creates karma.
The more we act from tensions, patterns, and samskaras, the more karma we create, and the more tightly bound we are by the ego. Tensions and patterns are reinforced in us, like grooves in an old record that cause the music to skip or repeat in an endless loop. How can God finish the song He’s singing when the words get distorted by the ego? As the grooves deepen, they strengthen the matrix of the ego’s web.
Freedom from the Web
In order to have a different experience of life, we must change our consciousness. If we want to live from the unbounded freedom and joy available to us, we must first sacrifice the ego’s hold. This is what sādhana is about. Sādhana allows us to recognize the self-imposed boundaries of ego and to find a deeper awareness. Pure Consciousness is always present at the core of our being. Freeing ourselves from ego requires looking for that deeper awareness while not getting caught in tensions, patterns, and self-serving action.
Our outward behavior is only the superficial expression of our patterns, so we must be honest with ourselves about whether our actions arise from tension and misunderstanding. When we’re still, centered in a state of open self-awareness, we can see our tension as it begins to arise, and before allowing our energy to get pulled into that turmoil, we can choose to pause. By not acting, the pattern of tension is revealed. When we stop acting from that pattern, we can recognize the repetition of deeper latent impressions.
Whenever you’re about to express tension, use your God-given capacity to recognize your state and choose not to function from ego. Use the Double-Breath exercise to channel the energy of that constriction into the fire of consciousness that is the central channel. This is how the binding is dissolved and a more expansive consciousness is revealed. All patterns are energy not in flow. By internalizing that energy, the higher Consciousness that is always free and present within us is revealed.
The Power of Surrender
We further loosen the grip of the ego by surrendering our attachment to our limitations. Let go of the tensions of desire and need, which come from a place that continually perpetuates its own incompleteness by reaching for fulfillment in some “other.” The most binding tension is that of holding onto our ego, which is sustained by this sense of lack. Sādhana involves burning through the constrictions of limited consciousness. My teacher Rudi described the essential power of kuṇḍalinī as the “burning of lesser things,” and that fire is in the central channel. Our sādhana is the means we have been given to throw every constraint of the ego into the fire.
Attaining true freedom takes time and work. Rudi’s equation for spirituality was “depth over time,” which elegantly captures the nature of the inner work required. The length of time spent is irrelevant if there isn’t depth in the process; likewise, depth is irrelevant if we don’t commit to our sādhana long enough to burn through our inner obscurities.
Be aware of the ego and its capacity to obscure higher consciousness. This is what the ego does. So step back and recognize that any behavior that stems from tension is not the action of your highest Self but of the ego. In accepting those tensions, we deny ourselves a deeper Consciousness. Instead, surrender to your practice and let the intrinsic power of life free you. Do whatever depth of sādhana is required, for as long as needed. There’s a beautiful Sufi saying, Fanna-fi-Allah, which means, “May I be annihilated in God.” If you wish to be free from the web of ego, joyously offer yourself into the Divine, and into your sādhana.